But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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