Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
