Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
