You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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