peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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