I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am available for nakedness
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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