i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
