So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
