I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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