I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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