We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
