i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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