if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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