The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
