Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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