Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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