yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
