I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
