I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
