Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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