Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
sarcasm needs its own font
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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