We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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