I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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