So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
