You can't motorboat a personality
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
