I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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