Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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