So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
