I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
