Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
