You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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