A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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