Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
