After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
