The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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