she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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