Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
