When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
