i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
