I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
how drunk are you?
Several
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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