Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
