Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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