You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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