He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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