um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
