Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
