cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
