Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just threw up on my dentist
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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