You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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