thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
