What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just cropdusted the office
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
