yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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