Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
