things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
