found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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