so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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