I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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