great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
