Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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